(no subject)

IMPORTANT THINGS aka inspiration for this guy wheee


(919):

Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".

-

(406):

Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor

-

(250):

God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.

-

(905):

Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.

-

(201):

I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.

-

(314):

You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.

-

(970):

Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.

-

(802):

you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk

-

(309):

i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.

(309):

so finals studying is going well?